


Dinner at Rossi's

by supernaturalandshiz



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e15 Revelations, Flashback, Guilt, Kinda, Panic Attacks, Past Drug Addiction, Reid gets to talk about the 'hankle case', Shame, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Spencer Reid Whump, and, and he gets one, and tags, are big themes, because i am on season 10 and it still upsets me, but it's a, but only an oncoming one, not beta we die like men, over use of italics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29008452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalandshiz/pseuds/supernaturalandshiz
Summary: “Hey, I know this isn’t any of my business, but I’m curious. I saw a file labeled ‘Tobias Hankle’ the other day, the details in it seemed interesting, but there was a lot left out. Why is that? If you’re willing of course.” The way that Alex proposed the question gave them all plenty of room to back out, but the team’s reactions only served to make her more curious, and hook Rossi into her suspicion.or, Reid talks about it.
Relationships: The BAU Team & Spencer Reid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 104





	Dinner at Rossi's

**Author's Note:**

> In which I am very dramatic.

“Hey, I know this isn’t any of my business, but I’m curious. I saw a file labeled ‘Tobias Hankle’ the other day, the details in it seemed interesting, but there was a lot left out. Why is that? If you’re willing of course.” The way that Alex proposed the question gave them all plenty of room to back out, but the team’s reactions only served to make her more curious, and hook Rossi into her suspicion. 

They all turned to look at Spencer with nervous gazes and he sighed. “As you probably saw, the case was in Atlanta. The police got a call from a group of unsubs that ‘Raphael’ was going to kill someone and when police arrived, a couple was already dead. When we got to the crime scene, we figured out that the unsubs had hacked into a laptop camera and recorded the entire thing.”

_People had_ _enjoyed_ _watching a gruesome murder. Thinking about it still made him shudder._

“The next murder was a handymanand. The woman slept with was missing. JJ and I went to interview a potential witness while everyone else went to the crime scene.”

_Just the thought of that day grips his chest with an indescribable fear. It leaves him in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. But right now, it wraps a cold hand around his throat._

“When we talked to Tobias, he claimed that he hadn’t called the police, but i figured that the only reason to do that would be to gauge response time. When we looked into his window, we saw the webcams, but he saw us first and ran.”

_And then I made the worst decision of my life._

“We didn’t have service, so instead of calling for backup, I made the decision to split up. JJ went in the front and I was supposed to take the back, but I heard rustling in the field.” He was silent for a moment before looking down, “I’m so sorry JJ.”

_I almost got you killed. It would have been my fault. If I had just_ _listened_ _, none of this would have happened._

JJ realised that he needed a moment, so she picked up for him. “In the barn, I found the missing woman. She had been mauled and killed by dogs. They came after me and I had to shoot them.”

Spencer continued with, “When I heard JJ scream, I tried to get back to the barn but To-” He took a breath, “He pointed a gun at me and that is when I realised. There weren’t three unsubs, there was one with Multiple Personality Disorder, which is now called Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

_Watching Tobias and his father argue with only a finger between his head and a bullet was alarming, to say the least. It had been the most terrifying moment of his life up to that point._

He was carefully monitoring both his words and inflection, and the reception of his story. “He took me to his shed and Raphael told me to ‘confess’”

_“I’m not a sinner.” “Time to confess, Spencer Reid.” The pain rippling through him. “I… I don’t have anything to confess.”_

“Uh,” he felt the panic bubbling in him, and ignored it. “After a while he...left and when he returned, he was Tobias again and…” the story was getting choppy and he didn’t know whether or not it was okay to tell this part. His voice was strained when he choked, “he drugged me. Dilaudid.”

_“Don’t. Please don’t.” “Please. I don’t want it. I don’t want it. Please.” “Please don’t.” He remembers the first high. Reliving his parents last fight. “I’m not weak.”_

His newest friends were looking at him with a familiar pity. The same look that his team watched him with in 2006. “He set up a camera and routed it to his home computer, so that they would see it and Garcia couldn’t track it. He told me to choose someone to die and he would send an address of someone to save.”

_He felt the pang of_ _guilt_ _of watching someone die and not being able to do anything about it. He was young then, he wasn’t used to it yet. He had stared blankly ahead when Gideon told him it wasn’t his fault, high off of his mind and not processing the words._

“Garcia managed to stop the videos from reaching anyone else but he blamed it on me and when he saw… uh…” He dug his nails into his arm under the table. It was something he did often when he was trying to get clean and it grounded him. “He just got angrier.”

He saw Garcia’s eyes fill with tears. She remembered. “He…” The silence wore on.

_“Confess!” A hit landed. “I haven’t done anything.” Another.” “Tobias, help me.” Landing on the floor. Convulsions tearing through his body while he gasped for air. His pulse slowing in his ears._

“I died…” Alex and Rossi were shocked. Their faces would have been comedical if his heart wasn’t pounding so fast. “Then Tobias gave me CPR. When Raphael took over again, he thought that our team were the seven angels of death. He told me to choose some one and I-” The panic set into his airway. 

_“Your team members - choose one to die.” He wasn’t going to let his_ _family_ _get hurt because of_ _his_ _mistake. “Kill me.” “Tell me who dies.” “No.” The gun being raised to his head. Again. “No.” He glared into the eyes of his captor. He hadn’t felt relief when it went off to reveal a blank. “I won’t do it.” Blank. How do I get out of this? “_ _Life is a choice._ _” That had stayed with him longer that he was willing to admit. “No.” Blank. Statistically, the chances of the gun going off raised with each blank. “Choose.” An idea. “I… I choose… Aaron Hotchner.” He made sure to embedded a clue. Prayed to a god that he didn’t believe in that Hotch would understand. The gun rang above his head._

“I told him Hotch but I left a clue. That’s how they found me.”He paused again. “I was high when I confessed. He made me dig my own grave.”

_The_ _relief_ _when Tobias confirmed that they were in a cemetery. He could have cried if the situation wasn’t so dangerous. Then it was over. He watched his mom beg him to not let them take her away. “I’m so sorry.” Then again, the_ _guilt_ _._

He looked at Alex when her mouth opened. She floundered for a moment then cleared her throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but, what did you confess to?”

He hadn’t told the team this. _Any of this._ “My mom. I couldn't take care of her anymore. He quoted Exodus. ‘And he that curseth his father or his mother… shall surely be put to death.”

“While I was digging, I saw flashlights through the trees. When he turned, I grabbed his gun and uh, yeah. I watched Tobias die. After he saved my life. It was kind of difficult to get over,” he chuckled dryly. He saw the look in Morgan’s eyes, guilt from when he brushed off their conversation about Adam.

_“Reid!” They were here. “I’m sorry.” Hotch pulled him from the body. At the time, he was more opposed to physical affection than now, but hugging the other agent brought comfort. “I knew you’d understand.” He was safe._

“Before we left, I asked for a moment alone, and that's…” _Shame._ “I grabbed his Dalaudid. I was addicted for around three months before I managed to get clean,” he looked at his lap, “alone.” 

When he looked back up, his was taken aback by his friend’s faces. 

“So…” Alex looked pensive as she glanced at each team mate. “You guys… didn’t help? Or notice?” She seemed angry in the way that a mother would be. 

“Blake, you have to understand. If I acknowledged the problem, I would have to write a report. I wasn’t willing to create another opening for Strauss to investigate us. Or to get Reid fired.” Hotch understood, he had been angry with himself for a long time.

But, Alex wasn’t finished. She turned to the others. “And you guys. Aren’t you his friends?” 

Reid’s head hung. They were talking like he wasn’t there. “Alex. It was a long time ago.” He tried to diffuse the situation, but her sudden protectiveness rubbed off on Rossi. He sighed when the senior agent went to speak.

“Why was I never told about this? 2006? That was months before I rejoined.” Then, everyone was talking. Voices started to overlap with each other. Arguing over him.

Words like “entitled” and “cover up” flew around, even a “dimwit” which he was pretty sure was aimed at Morgan. As his family’s voices got louder, the lights seemed brighter. The tears that had been in his eyes threatened to fall at any second. He made deliberate eye contact with Hotch, who wasn’t yelling, only making a stern attempt to set the record straight. The other stopped in the middle of his previous sentence and started again, “Hey, everyone needs to calm down.”

Everyone's gazes fell to Reid and he ducked his head as the damn broke. His shoulders shook and salt water dripped down his face. It took a moment for the reality of the situation to set in. Reid had almost never cried, let alone in front of them. He was humiliated but his heart was racing for no reason other than talking about the fateful night. He would have left if he wasn’t frozen in place.

After a beat, the team snapped out of their shock. Alex got up and knelt in front of him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to meddle. Are you alright?” 

Spencer felt exactly how he did back then. Useless, weak, and shameful. He couldn’t get his vocal cords to work with him so he stared helplessly back at her. She pursed her lips and brought him into a hug. They stayed like that for a while before he pulled away. “Uh, sorry about that. I just...yeah.” 

Without warning, everyone was talking animatedly again, this time about lighter moments in the BAU history. 

Derek had chosen an old story, of when they first met Garcia. “And so I say ‘hey, babygirl’ and that certainly got her attention. You remember that Pretty Boy?” He turned his attention back to the conversion and joined in.

“Yeah, I think I remember you getting turned down by the infamous ‘tech queen’.” And everything was back to normal.

**Author's Note:**

> This is edited from a longer fic I am working on.
> 
> kudos and comments are very much appriciated.


End file.
